Rain Rain Rain

Today's Ezekiel CWBS with Pastor Kong is tremendously amazing.

What a powerful message that Pastor has shared to the church!

Notes gw hari ini kyna equal dgn 3x notes gw kalo weekend services.

Uda gitu messagenya nyambung gitu ama kehidupan gw & Bible Study gw hari ini. hahahahahaha.

AWESOME DAH POKOKE......!!!

Anw gw bukan mo ceritain isi message nya di sini. wkwk..

Ini yg gw mo ceritain...........

Jadi ceritanya dari Jurong West ke Clementi MRT tinggal gw berdua ama Juju.

Jujunya stay di Clementi, so dia tinggal ngesot dari MRT sana.

Nah pas udah mo misah, dia nanya,

"Mau payung gak, Wang? Kayaknya bentar lagi ujan."

Gw ga bawa payung sih. But somehow gw nya gak pake mikir sok2 malu2 ngejawab,

"Ahahaha gpplah, rintik2 ini doanggg. Gak apa2 lah ini mahh.."

"Yakin? Oke deh klo gitu misah dulu. Dadaghh.."

"Dadaghhh..."

Gw masih hepi-lalala sih soalnya rintik2nya cupu gitu. Paling kena kepala geli2 doang lol! Udah gitu pas liat papan info bus: "183 - Arr"

"Wets tuh kan arrived! HAHA mantep nih abis pulang gereja. Jadi kebanjiran blessings!" #wets

Gw pun berdiri dgn bahagia menanti 183 yang....ehem.......5 menit........ 10 menit..........gak dateng2 T.T

Sedihnya hati ini bagai diiris2 belati >.<

Makin sedih lagi begitu liat ulang papan info bus: "183 - 15 min"

Wew?!

"Hah? Gw mabok ya td pas baca arrived?? Apa busnya yg invisible jd gw ga liat?" =.=

Yaudah, pulang2 gereja jangan marah2 toh. Duduk deh 15 menit. Selama 15 menit itu..... Ujannya makin deres!

"Bah gimana neh, bsk quiz nih God! Masa sih tega ngebiarin aku keujanan? Tar sakit loh, tar masuk angin loh.."

Gw diem beberapa menit.. Tiba2 keinget message Pastor Kong hari ini, prophesy prophesy prophesy! "Even to move mountains, God mentioned 'to prophesy' 3 times, but 'to pray' only once!" Ezekiel aja disuruh prophesy ke dry bones bisa jadi kenyataan. Apalagi ujan, ini kan harusnya jauh lbi simple!

Wah boleh juga.... Mulai deh gw....

"God, aku ga bawa payung. Dari belakang PGP ke kamar pasti harus lewatin tempat yg gak ada shelternya. Besok pagi aku ada quiz dan klo keujanan skrg bisa2 masuk angin. Lagian minggu depan udah final exam. This is really not the right time for me untuk keujanan atau fall sick. God knows God knows. Thus I prophesy to you: stop raining now!"

Nothing's happened......

"Stop raining now!"

Nothing...................

"STOP raining NOW!"

5 seconds later...

Ujannya MAKIN DERAS! Even worse, skrg pake geledek2 segala! waaa serem banget =.=

I changed my mind.....

"Yauda deh, terserah mo stop raining atau gimana dah..." ---> mudah menyerah ya! @.@

Ujannya berhenti 5 seconds, hepi... Tapi langsung balik deres lagi! Lebih deres dari sebelomnya. Gw nengok2 ke kanan, org2 mulai ambil cab one by one. Gw ga mau naik cab, God. T.T

"Rain, even if you don't want to stop, it's okay. Even gw keujanan pun gpp deh. Yg penting gw ga sakit tar." ---> sok2 tabah pdhl pengennya sih ujannya berhenti....

183 pun datang..... Ujan tetep deres. Gw tetep ga mau ambil cab. Ga ada duit kecil men. Gw putusin naik 183 apapun consequencesnya! Udah prophesy2 juga kan. Gampang lah tar klo makin deres, bisa nebeng payung orang atau telpon Jaslyn minta dijemput di bus stop belakang (agak ga enak sih, tp gw bener2 ga mikir panjang wkt itu. Kalo Jaslyn nya udah tidur & ga ada org turun di belakang PGP, gmn hayo?)

Udah naik bus... ehhh,, JADI GA UJAN sama sekali loh dari Singapore Poly sonoan... Sama sekali.

Praise God!

Begitu nyampe di belakang PGP, gw jalannya udah sambil ngedongak ke langit, "mana neh ujannya?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

God taught me a very very important lesson today.

Sometimes we do hope and pray for something in our life.

But it seemed like God does not listen. Nothing's happened!

That is exactly the reason why some people give up their faith and choose not to believe in Him anymore.

Klo gw ga sabar nunggu 183 nya, gw pasti udah kecewa pas "Arrived" nya berubah jadi "15 min". Similarly, if I gave up to believe that God would answer my 'stop raining' prayer, I surely would end up taking cab back to PGP. Emang ada 'jaminan' ga bakal keujanan sih, but I believe on the way to PGP I would regret my decision very much! It wasn't raining at all in PGP. Taking bus back to PGP is really ngetes mental, men..

Today, He reminded me, my prayer and my confession for a breakthrough in my study might not result immediately. Like the rain just now, it did not stop! But it was me who was changed. It was me whose faith was built because of every single confession I did. By the prayers of my family members and friends, I'm getting stronger to face anything. For I know, He listens and prepares the best solution for all my problems.

I don't care how many times I have fallen down! 5? 6? God told me to get up for the 7th times! Yes, maybe it's the time for the miracle! How long have I been waiting for a breakthrough? 1 year? 2 years? Maybe during the 3rd year I'll get it! Kalo Abraham nungguin janji Tuhan dengan berkeluh kesah tiap tahun, bisa2 dia tewas di tahun ke-24 karena serangan jantung

Don't stop believinggg.. #nyanyilaguglee

BYE BYE LSM2203!

1 down! bye bye LSM2203. This module has given me so many profile picture materials (during the lab sessions) LOL!

BUT I truly love the module so mucchhhhh..

It's really enjoyable. I LOVE LAB SESSIONS SO MUCH!

should I just do research then?

Pianistically yours,

C.L.

What are words

The song of the day:

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

the Professor, again!

I met my Professor again in the lecture just now.

I sat on the 2nd front row. Nobody sat on the 1st row. I was simply the most nearest student to her in the LT.

But our eyes was never met together (ask why!)

I surely believed she noticed I was there.

Anw she has never replied my email anymore.

Hmm, it is fine for me even if she has looked down at me.

It is reasonable.

She said the TA worked in her lab right now was in 1st class Honours during his undergraduate study. Another TA of her had a CAP of (again, 1st class) 4.8 and she confidently gave the TA approval for a scholarship application.

Well, I am not a 1st class student. It was understandable if she was shocked when looking at my CAP. She might RARELY look at such a very-very-low-,-she-said CAP. Perhaps her eyes got really irritated after looking at my CAP.

Really hope I can reach the 1st class Honours as well, as what their TAs did.

Hmm, everyone does, for sure.

But I thank God whatever my situation is.

He never says my CAP is irritating His eyes. He always accepts me, with unconditional love of Him. It's irritating His heart when I am being discouraged and stop being thankful for all His grace to me.

I forgive my Professor.

[Doing lab report and suddenly want to post a blog.

now I'm continuing my lab report.]

Signing off,

C. L.

Meeting up with my Professor

I woke up late and came late when I was supposed to meet up with my Professor.

A bad start for my day!!!

But I didn't really care after talking and discussing regarding my study with the Professor.

She was just okay about that. Then we talked and discussed about so many things.

What I got from conversation with her was that,

she didn't really agree I am going to Scotland.

Well, it didn't mean that she didn't give me approval to do so,

but then she wanted me to re-consider my CAP, my further study, my current ultimate goal: be able to do Honours year.

She advised me to take Special terms, instead.

I didn't like it when she looked at my SAPs from the beginning and being stunned looking at how HIGH my 2nd SAP during year 1 sem 2, compared to the rest (which were very very bad, in her opinion). Shockingly, she said, "Well, I don't understand how come your SAPs are like this. Should you check to them whether they have put your 2nd SAP here wrongly? Then I would know that it is your study habits which are inappropriate."

I was totally silent at that time.

She didn't know me before. She didn't know my struggle during that time; how anti-social I was until I reached that high SAP? Yeah she might be true, I was actually didn't deserve to receive that high SAP. It was all His grace. Not by my own strength, but it was Him who gave it to me.

No bitterness to her, she was actually nice and concerned with my study.

Later she said, "Then prove it this semester that this high SAP is not by a coincidental, but because of your hard work. You have reached it before, means you could. Just prove it once again, and you'll be able to do your Honours year later."

God, people might look down at me; but I would be angry if they look down to You. You have been so caring to me, giving me all these graces. Being with You is all I want. Being close to You is more than my any ultimate goals. What should I ask more? You're more than enough to me.

His,

C. L.

Sharing before sleeping

Just now I have reviewed my Goal Setting for this year, year 2011.

I was a bit sad looking at it.

I didn't follow most of them.

Regarding my health (sleep at most at 1am, sleep for 7-8 hours a day), my study (i aimed at least B+ for all my core modules and get at least 1 A), my emotional (don't being emo & stop crying).......hhmmmmm.... T.T

God, what then should I do?

I put my goals as high as possible, as if I can reach them by myself -NO!

I cannot reach them at all. At all.

I lift up my hands, and what I can see are Your hands, reaching the goals for me, and bring them into my hands. Oh God, what a wish..

These 2 days, I felt a bit guilty for asking You so many many things.

My CA results (not good, but it's ok God. Time to do better next time), my midterm results (really not good, but it's ok God. Just give what You think is the best), LAC2201 Test 3 next week, LAC2201 Oral Exam next week, LSM2103 CA 2 next week, LSM2203 (CA + Practical Exam) next week, my summer programme deadline, my 'informal interview' with my professor YFM (because I asked her to be my referee for summer programme application), my exchange module mapping (10 modules) deadline, SS essay deadline, lab report deadline..................I almost reach my dead line, I think. Hahahaha..

God, are you getting tired with all of my prayers?

Am I too self-centered in all of my prayers?

Yeah, I too feel that, especially when reviewing my Goal Setting.

I promised I'd pray for 1 particular person for 1 month. Pray everything for him/her, but then these 2 months I ended up praying all for me, I, and myself :( I am sorry, God. I also promised I'd pray everyday for my family member. But then, I was also too busy with my prayer lists. I am so sorry, God. Thank You for touching my heart, I want to change my mindset from now on. Keep praying for others, don't only pray for myself. Do all of my tasks faithfully. With the long to-do-list, I believe God will give me strength to do all of them excellently, for God wants me to excel in my study, to bless others. Really God. I am longing to share all of Your miracles in my study to others. This semester I'm gonna reach the best!!!!!!

To-do-list for today:

- Finish SSS1207 Essay -> submit to IVLE

- Meet up with my Professor, get approval from her, consult my study with her

- Go to YIH to get my official transcript

- Finish my Summer Programme application

- Pray for my Summer Programme application

- Finish Lab Report LSM2203 for Water and Soil Microbiology

- Review & make notes for LSM2203 Practical (prepare for CA next week)

- Prepare for LSM2103 Review on the following day

Gonna be a long day. A long long day with full of God's miracles!!

Off,

C. L.

Random Updates About Myself

1. Mission was complete. My last Chinese quiz had just past 2 days ago. I am so happy, not because I could not it perfectly (in fact, I did one mistake - 3.5 marks,. So I think I would get 96.5 for this quiz. Never mind. I don't care anymore.), but because I did it WITHOUT asking anyone. It was a progress for me. Hehe. Thanks God for enabling me to do that. Without the strength from You, I would not pass this temptation. But You delivered me :)

2. I got my SSS1207 Midterm result. It was BAD. Seriously. I almost cried in YIH because of this. But then, God never fails me. He has given me the best result, which I deserved to receive. So, no complain, just give my all during the Final Exam, and for next week's essay deadline for this module. God, I trust in You only. Never in my mind I want to S/U this module. Why do I need to? I will get a very very good mark for this module. (No supporting evidence up to now. Only faith speaks)

3. My Chinese Project's deadline is tomorrow. My part would be the BBC News Caster and Weather Forecaster. For this weather forecaster, I got some problems on it. The vocabularies and sentences structures are the ones I have never learnt before! I die die need to practice and practice to make it well-pronounced. Oh God, please give me strength. This is my hope to pull up my marks for this module. Oh well, You know that better!

4. It's week 12 already, which means next week I'll be having 3 tests (which 2 of them can be considered as my final exams), and I have not prepared them well so far. How to divide my week to master these 3 modules? God, again, You are my only hope. Please guide me, for I am weak and don't know how and what to do.

5. My brother likes my birthday present for his 21st bday today. Love you, brother!

6. God, I thank You very much for Your miracles regarding the summer programme. But then I'm getting really confused right now. What to choose? Please choose it for me, God T.T

Tired and tired,

C. L.

Tuesday.....oh no, it's Tuesday =.=

Fiuhh unbelievable! I can survive from today's really-packed-activities, yey!!

Zzzzz.. Tuesday is not really my day for this semester.

I wake up at 8am (dengan pembulatan ke bawah karena biasanya bangun jam 8.30am, HAHAHAHA) since I got a ST1232 Tutorial Class at 9am. For the first few weeks, I was always late. Hmmmm, around 5-10minutes, I guess? But then, the lecturer changed the way she counted the so-called "participation mark", worth up to 5% of our total mark for this module, into a participation during tutorial. We need to "voluntarily" solve any one of tutorial questions in front of the class. It was like "jgeeerr" for me. Seriously.

Weeks after weeks, it turned out that I had no chance to get my 5% participation marks. And like always in NUS, there are always people who get A, B, C, D, and even F. I didn't get any chance AT ALL to grab any tutorial questions for weeks means that SOME PEOPLE grabbed them first. I was true. When I checked the attendance, I saw some people had had done up to 5 questions at that time, and half of the class had done nothing. Hmmmmm..

But suddenly the lecturer changed the regulation again. We just need to submit the hardcopy of our tutorials, being prepared from home, and just submit it to our tutor. Hahahaha.. Problem is solved! I submitted all my works every week. It must be okay already. Free 5% is in my hands.

After the tutorial, finish at 10am, I have CBLC Duty at CL. This is always fun. The money is FUN. No no no, the jobscope is fun as well. Serve all people who want to use the computers. However today was a bit busy. Some people complained, how come their cash cards cannot be detected to the cash card top up machine. Wahlaooo, why did they ask me hor? I'm not the technician, you know! Then I just try to rub the cards, just in case they were dirty. VIOLA! Praise the Lord, it works well!!! Hahahahahahaha. Then the complainer became so shy saying thanks to me. Yes, thanks God for helping! :D Other people complained how come they have colour-printed their files, but not came out from the printer. Of course lah, they looked to the Black & White Printers, not the Colour Printer one! I just came to the Colour Printer, and their files were there =.=" Then came the next person, asking questions that in my opinion, were damn simple. How to set single-sided-printing, how to print multiple sheets on 1 page, how to select the colour printer, and I was become......."Pleaseeee let me take a reeesssst....." But then, it was my job, and I was paid for that. Hoho. So I tried to finish it well for today.

Then after that, I got my Chinese class, which today's activity was only watching movie. I didn't want to come, actually, but then yesterday my group mates said we wanted to ask Laoshi regarding some project queries. It turned out that no one asked =.=

Getting sooooo tired, I still got 2 core modules classes. First one was my Cell Biology class. I love my lecturer!!!!! He IS HANDSOMEEEEE!!!!! HE LOOKS VERY SMART. AND KIND. AND HUMOROUS. AND AND AND...... I told my friends how I admire the Professor CML. Guess what they said? "BOTAKKKKK....." A bit botak sih, but then HE IS A PROFESSOR, RIGHT? I never met any Professor who has long hair..........so far. AND I WAS GETTING EXCITED WHEN HE WAS COMING NEAR TO ME AND ASKED, "what do you think of me teaching so far? Am I going too fast?" AND I WAS LIKE, "NO NO NO NO, all is perfectly fineeee!" Aaaaaaa Prof, do you have any son around 20+ years old?? Hahahahahahahaha..

Continued with Statistics class, I was almost dead. Could not concentrate at all. All in my mind was sleeping. I went back in hurry, back to my room, where I am right now :)

It was unusual that I was this tired today. Well, I'm always tired on Tuesday. But today is the worst. This was all because I slept at 5, then woke up at 8.15am. Huueeee...

God, thanks for loving me. I can finish all the activities today well because of You who give me strength!

Ok, time to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Deja Vu

How come I dare to say such discouraging words for myself?

How come I cannot forgive myself?

How come my ego is that high?

I cheated for the 2nd time in the chinese quiz.

My mind went blank, and suddenly I remembered nothing for that particular question, although I was pretty sure I did my study well the night before. I wrote it for up to 10x, and at that time I totally forgot it?? I was panic and looked at my friend's paper. I was giving up. I asked him, "Hey, do you know the answer of this? I forget it"

He told me the answer, and I was suddenly like getting a light bulb out of my head (with evil inside I think), and quickly jot it down.

The reason of why I am so sad, feel so useless, feel so sinful right now is bcoz this is already the 2nd time for me to fall into the exactly same sin. I have forgiven myself -like what God did to me first- and I promised I would change and would not repeat this sin again. I was successful for 1-2 times after that. Then now I fell again. Oh no, what is this, huh?

God I am so sorry. Really really sorry. I failed to be consistent by my own promises. I have broken the promises. I repeated the sin. God I want to be free. This time, I don't want to waste my time by "unforgiven me" mindset like the 1st time I did this sin. I wasted 2-3 days to forgive myself. Now, I believe You have forgiven me. And I thank You God. At this time, the one that is hard to be forgiven is myself. I haven't forgiven myself. I hate this sin. I don't want to repeat the same thing. God, please listen to my cry, listen to my prayer, listen to my apology. Even God has forgiven me, how come I hardly forgive myself? I am sorry God for discouraging words I said to myself, for those unthankful words. Why? Because I am precious in Your eyes. My past, present, and future sins have already forgiven. Oh no, that was the most "hard to believe" fact. God, I am so so sorry T.T

fatty acid accumulation

I feel so fat right now.

Is it just a syndrome that happens to all young ladies?

I eat a lot this recently T.T

I look so fat right now. My cheeks are getting chubby and chubbier.

God, please control me!!!!

Lagu Traditional paling fun

Tebak2an.

Lagu traditional apa yg paling fun?

Hahahahahahahaha..

Apa lagi kalo bukan R.M.??????

Ya iyalah!!!!

Apalagi aransemen gw ama temen gw!!!!

Itu udah versi paling muaknyooossss!!!

Hahahahahahahahaha

Thank God we have finished it. Hope the dancers like it. Hope the musicians like it. Hope the actresses like it. Hope the audiences like it. Beyond that, hope You like it, God ;)

Love You,

C. L.

TIDUR CEPAT

Gara2 bangun pagi2 banget tadi, skrg jam segini uda tepar.

But thanks God.

This is just what I always did during my high school time. Woke up at 6am, slept at 11pm. I want to be discipline again.

Sekarang udah ga ada CCA lagi selain NUANSA, jadinya bisa lebih banyak waktu untuk belajar. No, waktunya tinggal dikit lagi, dan bakal final exam soon. Oh God, I am totally not ready yet!!! Please prepare me, o God. So many stuffs and study materials I need to catch up on.

No matter how impossible it looks like, somehow I believe this semester I'm gonna get a very excellent result. This is the time for miracle. I will study hard, Lord, until I am deserve to receive Your miracle at the end of this semester.

Love You,

C. L.

BANGUN PAGI

hahahahahaha coba gw bisa kayak gini tiap hari, hidup gw damai sejahtera tentram bahagia kali yee?

KETIDURAN jam 10pm, tiba2 tersadar udah jam 1am.

Laptop masih nyala, kertas tutorial msh bertebaran di atas meja, blom gosok gigi, hape penuh sms dan miskol (maap teman2 >.<).

Sebenernya bisa lanjutin kerjaan sih.

Tapi pasti gw ketiduran lagi jam 5am, trus tiba2 bangun 11am lagi.

Sangat tidak sehat bukan??

Tapii itulah yg biasa saya lakukan, sodara2. hahahahahahaha

Maka dari itu, tiba2 dpt pewahyuan, mending tidur aja lagi. Biar bisa bangun pagi tar.

Taraaaa!

And that was it.

I woke up at 6am.

Repeat again, YES 6AM!!!!!

waktu dmn gw bbrp kali baru mo tidur loh!! Skrg malah udah bangun. Mujizat itu nyata, guys.

Hahahahahahahaha..

Then menikmati saat2 teduh bersama Tuhan, sms good morning ke teman2 deket yg sangat saya kasihi, nelpon mama, ga nelpon papa (soalnya yakin papa blom bangun), sarapan lapis legit, wah bahagianya..... (apalagi lapis legitnya enak bgd!)

Skarang mo kerjain tutorial, mo lanjutin lagunya nuansa. Tetep, kurang bahagia apa coba?

Hahahahahahahahaha..

Indah sekali pagi ini! Matahari terbit dgn tersenyum loh! Ga percaya? Makanya bangun pagi2! wkwkwkwkwk

SUNTEC 1ST SERVICE

Hey! I think I was lucky enough to be able to come to the 1st service at Suntec this afternoon.

I heard some ppl who actually came (but late), had to come back again tmr bcoz there was no more seat inside for the service I attended. Wow..

My friends and I (there were 12 of us from NUS) went there by cabs.

I was so happy God allowed me to manage and contact them all (some of them attended the CHC service for the 1st time). I sent up to 100 messages today (my new record!), since my friends kept replying my messages. Hahahahaha. Yet I was so happy!

Really, I didn't care about my thumb which was so tired typing and typing messages.

Praise the Lord.

I pray so that friends which were coming to the service may commit to join the cell group as well!

this is the time for a breakthrough in NUS :)

Glory and glory is the Lord!

Hello Suntec!! Gonna miss you, JW and Expo :)

Really tired,

C. L.

Tumblr yes yes no no

Yesterday I just signed up for a Tumblr account.

Moving from now on? Yes? No? Haha. Still dont know.

For me, tumblr is fun, similar to twitter (YES, and I have deactivated my twitter account!), but there are simply too many people there.

Unlike tumblr, blogger has less people, and nobody follows me. Only for some people (I think), who accidentally open this. Haha!

Thus, this account is more or less my electronic diary where I can write ANYTHING, ANYTIME, without no one posts comments, like: "dear Christine, why are you so emo?", or "I read your post!", or "I know you have done this this this.....from your blog!" zzzzzzzz suddenly I remember SOMEONE, my best stalker, *censored*. Wew..

So I haven't opened and play play with my tumblr again. Yet, I posted more to this blogger. Hmmmm.. I'm just not ready enough to move to Tumblr.

Pianistically yours,

C. L.

MicroBio CA 1

Dear my Best Friend Jesus,

Thank You so much for the result of CA 1 Microbio. Although one of my friends (who got the same grade with me was being sad because she expected more for the CA), above all I say thanks to You. If not because of Your mercy, Your grace, and Your anointing upon me, I would not get a grade as good as that. Thank You God. I promise I will study hard so that I am deserve to receive Your miracles. You never fail in making me so proud that I have a good God like You :)

Big hugs God!!

*just get back to PGP. want to take a bath, take care of my stomach (just eaten Nasi goreng Kampong at Fongseng, the 'reaction' is so fast! hahahaha), do CBLC workshop manual, having NUANSA11 meeting with my partner until midnight, and study LSM Cell Bio. SEMANGAT!*

Pianistically yours,

C. L

A note before sleeping

Yeyy! I am writing the score sheets for NUANSA11. So far the progress is quite good, although musicians hardly find common time to start practicing. But I believe they're all 'selected' people, chosen from, I admit, highly competitive auditions. They are all talented musicians. They're my partners in this production! We're gonna make it an awesome performance.

This NUANSA11 is my next big project. This can also be the first (and the last time I guess?) I am involving in such a great production which will present such a great performance (Yes God, amen!) where I am also holding such a position like I have right now.

God, this is all for You, Father. You have given me much talents, please use it all for Your glory.

And I also pray for my study.

I'm hardly focusing my mind right now. Too many things to do, too many things to think about. But one thing dear God, everything is from You, back to You, and those are for Your glory only. This is me, with all of my weaknesses, but also with all of the miracles You have gracefully given to me, PLEASE USE ME, USE MY STUDY. I want to be the student of God. A student who puts You first in everything. A student who excels, be the head and not the tail, in the study. For You are the One who gives me wisdom, enriches me with the knowledge in order to understand the mysteries of this world, Your awesome creation. You are gonna show me the miracles in my study. I believe that. You miracles are for real, Your love is for me. You never let people who trust in You being in discouragement. You are the God who saves, You are the God who loves, this is me. This semester, I don't know how and why, is gonna be awesome, for I'll see how You will save me :)

Pianistically (actually everything-ally) Yours God,

C. L.

Chinese 2 Test 2

I got a not-so-good mark for the 2nd test. I was truly really really sad :'(

If I was alone, I would surely cry out loud to God :(

But hey, He heard my silent cry! Out of sudden, after classes, He gave me a veryyy peaceful heart which let me forgot this stressful matter for a while..

I had my dinner alone, and I was extremelyyyyy happy :D

I rejected my friends who asked me to have dinner together! Yeyyyy (sorry buddies, not in the mood of having dinner with other people!) Anddddd... No one spoke with me! (Halelujah!)

Okay la, one of my friends passed beside where I sat and say hi.

But that condition was the one I always missed!!!!

Just me -sitting in the middle of the crowded Frontier Science canteen which was full of hungry people (hungry scientists?) hunting for food-, my bag -which was quite heavy because of chinese textbooks and those thick cell biology lecture notes-, my Dory Penyet -which sacrificed itself for a hungry hungry me! (what a delicious, elegant dinner, wasn't it?), and GOD -who continuously talked directly into my heart :D

He was like saying, "I made you stronger than this. This is nothing for you. I am your everything, right? Just trust Me, I would let people look down to you. Be prepared for the miracles to come."

He made me laughing because of the quite-interesting-shape-of-a-Dory-Penyet, trying to eat cucumber (A big no no for me to eat until TODAY, the taste was quite okay I think, not that bad), and the SPICY chili ala Indo Panggang -couldn't imagine my red face after eating that!-

hahahahaha..

That was the most beautiful Dory Penyet dinner I have ever had.

Thanks God! Praise the Lord!

Btw may I ask You something? Why is it, when I was thinking of how good You are, You always showed me that I was wrong??

You are always even better, MORE Holy, MORE mighty, MORE kind, beyond what I could ever imagine about You =D

Pianistically yours,

C.L.

Count down to the "Dinner and Dance"

Fiuhh.. I've bought the ticket already.

I actually did not want to come, with thousands of reasons that come into my mind.

I didn't want to waste my time partying, a kind of "throwing my money away" just for a night, for an event which I wasn't sure I would enjoy.

Seriously, there was no reason for me to come. What for?

If not because of my friends,

if not because of my promises,

I surely won't come.

I have lots of things to do. I am stressed out with a lot of things in my life. I need to breath. I need to be alone. Without no one disturbs me. Without no one distracts me. I wanna cry out loud. All those things I couldn't do in a party, where all of my friends with big wide smiles taking care of their partners, enjoying the performances, having slow dance together, no no no. Not that kind of relaxation that I need. I want to be alone. I just want to be alone, where I can cry.

But, I will waste my SGD 30 if I don't come. My friends were happy after knowing I have bought the ticket, but what will happen if I'm not coming tomorrow? Actually I have no problem giving away my SGD 30 for them, but I know they hope me to come. That's what they want me to do.

Should I come? Should I fulfill their hope? Or should I just listen to my heart, to not coming tomorrow?

Pianistically yours,

C. L.

Khawatir: perlu atau gak?

Yey gw mutusin nulis pake bahasa Indo kali ini!

Entah ada atau gak org yg ngebaca blog aneh yg isinya hasil ketikan jari2 gw di keyboard laptop ini (biasanya gw ngetik di keyboard alat musik sih *jayus, I know*), tapi gw seneng memori dari hari2 yg telah gw lewatin, yg terekam indah di otak kiri dan kanan gw, bisa ditranslate ke kata2 yg mampu dibaca kembali.

Gw berharap setelah gw menang dari pergumulan ini, dan iseng2 membuka blog hingga sampai ke postingan yg ini, gw bisa tersenyum bangga dan berkata,

"Heeyyy.. gw udah menang loh dari masalah ini! Wow thanks God!"

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Alasan gw untuk perlu khawatir (these clichés):

1. Khawatir memotivasi gw untuk bekerja lebih giat lg, belajar lebih tekun lagi

2. Khawatir membuat gw ga berdaya, dan nyerahin itu ke Tuhan sepenuhnya, for I know I cannot make it without Him

3. Khawatir menandakan gw peduli sama hal yg gw khawatirin itu. Iya dong, klo gw ga peduli sih sebodowae apapun yg terjadi ttg hal tsb, ya gak?

Alasan gw untuk gak perlu khawatir:

1. Hey, God is above all. Khawatir bisa nandain klo kita gak gitu percaya pada Tuhan, klo Dia memberikan yg terbaik bagi kita.

2. Dgn khawatir, org lain bakal melihat kita, dan bakal menjadikan kita contoh "org Kristen" di matanya. "Wedehh org Kristen aja khawatir mulu gitu, apa bedanya ama gw?"

3. Khawatir gak nyelesaiin masalah sih actually, dan ga selamanya kinerja gw membaik under pressure (Berdasarkan hasil research selama 19 tahun 3 bulan)

4. Khawatir bisa buat gw stres sendiri, cuiy!

5. Khawatir bikin gw panik, trus gw klo panik suka blank gitu mind nya

6. Khawatir bikin gw susah tidur, gak enak makan, sakit kepala, letih, lemes, lesu, dan yg gw paling sebel: perut gw mules trus bisa diare2 gitu =.=

7. Khawatir bikin prioritas gw berubah2 urutannya @.@

8. Khawatir bikin bruxism gw makin parah tar

9. Khawatir atau ga khawatir, something will still happen sih, apapun itu, roda kehidupan tetap selalu berputar kan? Gak kayak PC1431 gw yg rodanya bisa sliding tok, ga rotate! Apa2an itu, ga sesuai ama filosofi tentang kehidupan! Udah gitu bikin gw harus cek dulu ke persamaan omega, v, sama r nya! zzzzzzz

10. Khawatir bikin gw emo

11. Khawatir bikin bonyok gw stres ngeliatin anaknya stres

12. Khawatir bikin telinga temen2 gw penuh dgn curhatan gw yg ga jelas juntrungannya

13. Khawatir bikin gw main FB bukannya nyelesaiin masalah-----> seriously!

14. Khawatir bikin gw jerawatan

15. Khawatir bikin jam tidur gw berantakan

Aduh capek lah gw klo disuruh tulisin satu2. Kayaknya dari 15 ini aja, udah mulai ada yg mirip2 gitu, hahahahaha. Tandanya gw udah capek ngetik. To sum up 15 points ini:

Alasan gw untuk gak perlu khawatir:

Hah? emang gw masih bisa beralasan apa lagi untuk khawatir? Haha.

My life is in God's hands!

Some calculations:

Rata2 gw meng-emo dalam 1 periode ke-emo-an gw bisa 2-3 hari.

Setiap harinya, gw bakal:

Merenung dan termenung = 2 jam,

Main FB sebagai pelampiasan = 2 jam,

Guling2 di tempat tidur tapi ga tidur = 1 jam,

Ketiduran = 4 jam.

Sisanya beraktivitas seperti biasa.

Ok, i'll take it as:

being emo= 5 jam/hari.

1 periode emo = 2-3 hari = 10-15 jam = 5-7 kali lecture. Gile, udah sama kayak ambil 1 module dari week 1 sampai recess. Udah siap midterm gw! *halah*

Kalo gw ga emo, and try to do something useful, contoh: doa, bible study, connect group, belajar. Wah gileeee, mantep abis tuh!

Anyway gw merasa tertampar sama tulisan gw sendiri.

Dah ah, capek ngetik. Khawatir kan ga penting, ngapain juga gw khawatir klo post ini gak selesai trus keburu gw publish? Urusan yg baca lah mo ngerti apa gak

Pianistically yours,

C.L.